So High Up
by Kat-Sakura
Summary: Ryoma doesn't know what to do anymore. He's lost and confused, the people around can’t help him. Will he have a happy ending or will this be the end? ?Ryoma ON HOLD!
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Ryoma doesn'tknow what to do anymore. He's lost and confused, the people around can't help him. Will he have a happy ending or will this be the end?/Ryoma

**Disclaimer**: I do not own PoT.

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Ryoma's P. O. V.

How long has it been since I felt this way, at first it was nothing but a foolish crush but now it is more than that. The feeling I have for him is making me lose focus on the courts, he makes me act and feel different than before. I watch him from afar and now this feeling wants to burst. I confided this secret with Momo-sempai, my best friend and I even asked Oishi-sempai for advice. Now when I feel confident enough to maybe tell him because of the progress I had made, Monkey King tells me to give up because I will end up hurt. I already feel the pain because I feel my chances have dropped from above average to slim or none.

Can someone tell me what I can do, I have never felt like this before I want to cry but I can't, the tears just wont leave my eyes. I need a shoulder to lean on but no one is here. Will someone help me? Will there be anyone to catch me if I fall because from the looks of it I m pretty high up, I don't want to fall. There is only one way for me to fall, it is either because of a push or I could be saved if the force of push turns into a force of pull to take me away from the edge, away from the pain. What will this force be? There is only one whom controls this force and it is this force that shall decide my fate...

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Review please… 


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for such a late update… lost it for a bit but now its back…

Once again I say, "I wish I do own it, but sadly I do not, so don't sue me… I am poor as it is, don't have much to give."

Thank you:

**Merissala:**well it depends… its going to be a vote**  
Emily:**thankies**  
stringer13: **vote and you shall see…

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Ryoma's P.O.V.

I finally realize that I cannot continue on like this, I want to tell him, no, I need to tell him, I have to…

… I did it, I finally told him, but the chance to pursue a relationship did not exist. I was just fooling myself with fantasies.

If I continue to stand on this edge that represents the end of my will and sanity, will there be something at the end of this darkness. I am no prince, I am nothing but a fool, and it is nothing but a fools' dream. I am afraid, I am afraid of this darkness that is clinging on to me and is not letting up. How, how can I shake off this loneliness that has embedded a seed in my heart? Will there be someone that has the ability to pull out such a weed that should not belong or will the weed engulf any feelings come from the heart. Slowly but surely, this heart that is within me will die and sooner or later the person that I once was will disappear, disappear into nothingness. Save me, can someone save me from myself? I am standing here in my washroom, before the sink with running water… such a beautiful red….

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Well I am done for now… I sorta need some ideas as to who you want to save him. 

So vote now…

Sanada

Atobe

Tezuka

Fuji

Momo

Or whoever you want…

Well thanks for reading but don't leave yet… it would make this very poor author very happy if people would R&R… I know the chapter is very short but they will get longer once I figure out who is going to save him…


	3. Chapter 3

Once again sorry for such a LATE update… have been very busy with school and all…. I hope you enjoy this chapter… and once again I do not own anything.

_Thank you:_

**Lyza**: thanks for the review, I am still if-y right now but maybe I might be able to fit one of them in… wink

**Abhorsen3**: that's for the review

**TeNsHi No ToIkI**: maybe I will… that way everyone would get what they want…

**Gothbrat**: thanks for the review

**DemonGirl13**: hehehe have that a lot

**Shadowhawk**: hehe I have a lot of that

**Leafdrop**: hehehe… I think so too

**Blood red tensai**: I have a few for fuji

**Silverrowanraven**: ideas ideas

**Mage Firestorm**: hehehe… winks maybe…

**Ai**: thanks for the review… true, it would just be fitting if he did…

_Votes:_

**Tezuka**: 7

**Fuji**: 2

**Yukimura**: 1

**Atobe**: 2

**OT5/6**: 2

Keep on Voting, the vote would end soon…

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'Where am I?" was the first thought that went through Ryoma's mind, there was a bright flash of bright light and images began to flash in an out at a rapid pace.

**Flash**

Red raindrops.

**Flash**

Kevin's rejection with his hurtful words, "You think I would want to be with a loser like you. The only thing you're good at is tennis and that is all you will be good for. You think that anyone would want to love you, your body is that of a child, and just looking at you would turn anyone off… hahaha… maybe you should just put a bag over your head so no one would have to endure the pain of seeing you ugly face. If you can call it that, that is… hahaha," with that Kevin walked off.

**Flash**

A shadow that appears out of no where catching him as he falls.

**Flash**

With that the flashes ceased and then he suddenly began freefalling, the edge that he was standing so close to no longer exist. The bottom that seems to be so far is no longer as far as it seems. Yet even though he seems to be reaching the bottom at an amazing speed he has yet to reach it, it is as if he is freefalling in a bottomless pit. Does that mean there is hope, does that mean there will be someone to catch him before he falls.

_**Ryoma, P.O.V.**_

I can feel the air rushing through my hair, the feel the pull of gravity pulling me closer and closer to the destination of depression. Is it true that I do not deserve love, that I am as undesirable as he said? Will there be no one to catch as I reach closer to the bottom? In fact is there a bottom at all or will I just continue to fall into the cycle of said despair and with no way out? Is this the end?

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Sorry once again for the short chappie… please forgive me….

Please R&R and I will try to update as soon as I can… and the vote is still on but this will be the last chapter to vote so whoever comes first will be the one…. Or maybe I might do some tweaking…


	4. Chapter 4

To all the readers, I am VERY sorry, for the long wait… my exams, and paper have taken over my life and a little writers block has taken residence in my mind… please forgive me… For the new years I will try to update more often… once again I am sorry and thank you for your patience and reviews…

**Disclaimer**: I do NOT own PoT… T_T

Thank you / Review Replies:

**Speadee: **thank you for you review, and yah, I might have to agree since Ryoma is a bit aloof… but we still love him anyways… ^^

**Ai:** I am sorry for the late update, I was thinking of using another character but it's just so hard to decide who to be the bad guy and so I was hm… *watches the anime again…* Kevin will do ^^"

**Yuujirou: **Yup, you can vote two places at once, I already included it.. that way you wont be torn in two…

**DemonGirl13: **I hope you get your wish… very close call…

**FallenAngel_Sayu:** I know… thanks for voting^^

**Bunnies _Are_Fun:** thanks for the vote!

**Kira_Kiyomi:** share the love^^

**Pure_red_tears:** I know, I hope my upcoming chapters wont disappoint you… being loved by a lot of people is nice…

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I feel myself waking, and everything hurts as if I had been pelted by dozens of tennis balls. Why is it so dark? Why can I not see anything? I began to struggle; I feel shadow hands holding me down, and I struggle even harder trying to get these shadows off of me, but they leave and keep coming back. I began to hear voices and a strong baritone voice that sounds so familiar, but I cannot seem to place where I have heard it before. And then another voice sounds so familiar; wait, that is my voice, am I the one that is screaming? Why am I screaming? Why does it hurt so much? Why won't those phantom hands leave me alone, why won't they stop touching me? STOP touching me!

Then as if a calming wave washed over me, it was over. I feel a pair of strong arms wrapping around me from the back, a hand petting my hair and that strong baritone voice was saying something, I cannot seem to understand what it is saying, but the voice seems to be soothing me to my core. Why is it that the fear that I felt before seem to evaporate? What is this safe feeling that I am feeling? Everything disappears again, the voices, the phantoms, and the fear.

**FLASH**

'What happened?' was the first thought that went through Ryoma's head.

"Echizen, how are you feeling?" asked a mysterious voice.

Ryoma turned his head to see Tezuka sitting on his desk chair by his bed.

"Buchou what are you doing here?" Ryoma asked while moving to sit up. Without being asked, Tezuka moved to help him. "I came by to drop something off for Ryuuzaki-sensei. After your cousin let me in, she told me that you would be down in a minute before she left to go to the university. After about five minutes I went to knock on the door but there was no reply from you, so I went in to see you sitting on the floor, staring at your hand as if mesmerize by the blood. Ryoma, what happened?"

Ryoma was stunned for a moment before remembering, "I was washing my hands and I accidentally knocked a cup over, so I was picking up the pieces and I guess I just went into shock for a bit after a cut my hand."

"Aa…" was all Tezuka replied, and for some reason, Tezuka felt that he could not really trust what Ryoma said. He felt that there was something else that caused Ryoma to stare at his hand the way he did.

"Buchou, thank you."

"There is no need to thank me. But you should be more careful from now on. Where are your parents?"

"My mom went back to America because she received a call from her firm a while ago and oyaji went with her."

"So no one will be home to look after you?"

Not looking at Tezuka, Ryoma replied, "I will be fine, I can take care of myself."

Looking at Ryoma's hand, Tezuka made up his mind, "I will stay with you for the weekend then."

"Buchou, you don't need to do that, it's really fine, I can take care of myself. There is no need to trouble yourself," exclaimed Ryoma.

"There is no problem, allow me to call my parents and ask them to drop some things over," Tezuka replied to Ryoma's exclamation with a final tone. With that, Tezuka called his parents to let him know that he would be staying with Ryoma and ask that they drop off some clothes for him. Fifteen minutes later, with his clothes in hand and a farewell to his parents, Tezuka was ready to stay for the weekend.

Ryoma was at a lost as to what to do. He did not want to be alone but he did not want his buchou to be around if he were to have a nightmare or those flashes. Being so deep in thought, Ryoma missed what Tezuka was saying to him and when he came to, he noticed that Tezuka was giving him a strange look. "Buchou, is something wrong?"

"I was wondering if you can show me where I can place my belongings."

"Oh. Sorry about that, I was just deep in thought. Follow me, I'll show you to the guest room." With that, Ryoma led Tezuka upstairs to the guest bedroom, and afterwards Ryoma returned downstairs and headed to the kitchen to reheat the food that Nanako-san had left in the fridge. Without him noticing, Tezuka was watching him from the doorway, wondering what was wrong with him.

**Tezuka P.O.V.**

I know I was being very pushy when I stated that I was going to stay for the weekend, but I cannot help it. Looking at his wrist reminded me what had transpired before he woke up; the screams, whimpering, the agony and finally calming down after all that. I can still feel the heat that his body was giving off when I held him in my arms. I felt his breathing returning to normal, I can feel him relaxing in my arms, and most of all I can feel deep down with in my heart how much I do not want to let him go.

After placing all my belongings away, I headed downstairs to where the noise was coming from. Echizen bustled around the kitchen reheating what seems to be our meal for the evening. Looking at his face, his golden eyes seem to have lost some light, his skin slightly paler that usual. It could be the blood lost and such, but all in all, he look so delicate that he might break any moment. Speaking of blood, I do not understand why he had lied. The story that he provided can explain the wound on his hands but not the one on his wrist. The wound is definitely not from an accident, for the wound is too deep, to straight and impossible to obtain from picking up glass. The only conclusion that is possible is that it was deliberate, but why did he cut himself; why does he want to harm himself? I want nothing more that to protect him…

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I am sorry that the characters are a very OOC but it needs to be this way or else Ryoma would never be depressed and Tezuka would never be able to win Ryoma's heart if he doesn't show a more caring side of him…

As of right now Tezuka is in the lead, so this chappie is to give him a head start kinda thing. Please vote, I think I will end the votes after this chapter… but the choices have dropped to three…

Tezuka – 11

Fuji – 5

OT5/OT6 – 10

Please R&R, it will help make the writers block disappear faster… & Have a Happy New Year!!


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update, please forgive me… Its just that life has been very busy lately with classes and work and midterms, paper and finals coming up in a few weeks. I'll try to update again next week…

Disclaimer: once again I must state I do not own Prince of tennis, no matter how much I wish I did…

Thank you for those who reviewed and voted the results are in and Ryoma will end up with…mwahahaha… himitsu! Going to keep it a secret for another chapter or two…

And a BIG thanks to my beta Gemini!

Thank you for you patience, let's get on with the story!!!

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_Recap:_

The only conclusion that is possible is that it was deliberate, but why did he cut himself; why does he want to harm himself? I want nothing more than to protect him…

_On with the story!_

**Ryoma's P.O.V.**

I started to get a move on, on our dinner. I feel buchou's gaze as his eyes follow me around the kitchen. I try to move around more and try not to let him know of my shame, my sadness and most of all my pain. I fear what buchou would think of me. Does he know? Does he know that the wound on my wrist was deliberate? The pain, the crimson life force, the feeling of being alive… if he knew that the wound was deliberate, would he think less of me?

**FLASH**

"Echizen, did you cut yourself?" Silence seems to confirm Tezuka's assumption. "I am disappointed in you; you are nothing but a failure. I cannot believe I placed my faith in you… failure, disappointment, failure, disappointment…

STOP! Make it stop, no, please Tezuka buchou, no please no… do not leave me, please BUCHOU!

"-zen… Ryoma!" a distance voiced shouted. That baritone voice is back, the arms, the safety…

**FLASH**

"Ryoma! Are you alright?" That voice, buchou's voice! I looked up and saw the worry, the concern in those captivating hazel eyes. "Ryoma, are you alright?" Buchou why are you being so kind to me, I think to myself, when you find out the I harm myself for relief you are going to hate me more… please do be so kind, it will hurt less in the end.

With a shaky voice I replied, "Hai, daijuobu desu. I… I just need to go to the bathroom for a bit." With that I left him standing in the kitchen.

**Tezuka's P.O.V.**

I stood here watching him run from the kitchen and holding myself back from running after him. After all who am I to chase after him? But never in my life have I been so afraid.

I had stood by the doorway, watching him move about and just as I was about call out and offer my help, he stood shock still. He started shaking and before I knew it, I had cross the distance between us and was holding him in my arms again. I called out to him but all I got was more shaking and mumbled words. He kept on repeating the words failure and disappointment like a mantra. I called out to him again and then the words changed. He started to scream, and thrash about calling… calling out to me. Begging me not to leave… I have never been so lost, I did not know what to do, all I was able to do was to hold him tighter and call out to him again. After what seem like an eternity, he seemed to have calm down and when he looked at me with those pained filled eyes, I could do nothing but hold him close, hold him tighter and protect him from the world.

I never noticed that he is this fragile. I want to, no that is not right, I need to protect him and I will. I will protect him from the world, the pain and most of all from himself. It seems that I need to make a call tonight.

**Third person P.O.V.**

After Ryoma returned from the bathroom, the two settled down from dinner. Dinner was a quiet affair and nothing about the previous episode was mentioned. Maybe it was because they were usually the quiet ones and was never the ones for small talk, one would assume that the silence would be a comfortable one, however it was not meant to be, for the silence was so tense that it could be cut with a butter knife. After the dishes were cleaned, they watched T.V. with that uncomfortable silence. It was around nine o'clock or so that they decided that that it was best to head to bed, because after all they have tennis practice in the morning. After bidding each other good night they went to their separate rooms.

**Ryoma's P.O.V.**

I walk into my room and closing the door after Karupin. I changed into my pyjamas and crawled into bed. I feel awful because I am a liar; I am nothing but a fraud. No one knows the real me, not even my best friend, Momo. No one knows of my insecurities, my self doubt, no one knows that the strong front and bratty attitude is just that, a front, an act. Other than my family, no one knows the real me, no one at all.

However, how I wish that someone, anyone, would break down these false acts and find the real me. Break me free from the darkness and the heavy burdens of reality, someone that would hold me close and whisper words of safety, comfort and most of all, love.

**Tezuka's P.O.V.**

After retuning to the guest room, I took up my cell phone and pressing on my speed dial to make the call I had wanted to make since dinner.

"Hello, it's me."

… … … … …

"Ah, I am at Echizen's place right now."

… … … … …

"That's why I am calling; I am a bit worried about him. Something strange happened today. I have a feeling that he is cutting himself and he went into shock a few times."

… … … … …

"Ah. There is also something else… but I think it would be better off if I told all of you at once."

… … … … …

"Sure, why don't you make the arrangements and let me know. Mmhmm… Oyasumi."

… … … … …

After ending the call, I lay back down onto the bed and began to think of why he would cut himself... After tossing and turning a few times, I decided to check on him to give myself a peace of mind.

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Alright going to end it here for now and please R&R. Let me know what you think and please be nice. So what's Tezuka going to find when he enters Ryoma's room and most importantly WHO did he call?


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